Thursday, March 22, 2007

Reprogramming TTQ

I'm trying something new, I am trying to take things in my life that I always avoided because they reminded me of bad memories and replace them with new memories. If I hear a certain song, smell a perfume, sometimes I am overcome with sadness,anxiety and fear. I don't want to be stuck in the past or avoid things that at one time I loved until..until whatever event caused me to associate it with a song or a smell or even a food or drink. Hence the reprogramming I add a few songs to my ipod and try to listen to them as I would any other new song, I'm going to start smelling those perfumes until I remember that I am in the here and now. Granted I may never buy those perfumes again, but I want to be able to smell it and be okay with it and not be inexplicably flung into the dark corners of dusty skeletons in my brain. I choose today to be happy, joyous and free. To share my experience, strength and hope.. No more scars to be explained and a long bloody tale to be told with it. The things that happened in my life happened, I can't change that, but I can change today and tomorrow. I'm building new memories, good memories. My life is good now and I need to keep that perspective. But it's not going to be overnight and I'm sure I need to stay on the path I am on now. It's not the end of the road. At no point does it say stop and take a break, slide back into your old shoes and take the road less traveled. Not until you have your backpack full of the things you may need and can grab them easily, for now I must be content with listening to others who have gone the path before me and ended up on the other side and now hold out their hands in welcome at each overpass. And I in return shall grab the hands that are there in case I stumble.


Swishy said...

Such a great post! You are a smart girl. I feel like I should do that too ... sort of exorcise some demons, you know?

meno said...

Creating new memories to replace the old? What a great idea. Let us know how it goes.

kim said...

This is a great post, I think I recognize some key phrases -- do I?

The best I've ever been able to do with the reprogramming is to create new memories to share the space with the bad -- it did soften/fade them.

Another good trick is to remember to forgive yourself if you've played the fool and to embrace your human vulnerability.

BTW-- great playlist you left at Manic's

TTQ said...

Damn girl! You be knowing that special handshake too? I don't usually run into it on my blog.. probably because I can be so catty when I'm bored or whatever..

kim said...

Double shake, slap and snap!