I'm trying something new, I am trying to take things in my life that I always avoided because they reminded me of bad memories and replace them with new memories. If I hear a certain song, smell a perfume, sometimes I am overcome with sadness,anxiety and fear. I don't want to be stuck in the past or avoid things that at one time I loved until..until whatever event caused me to associate it with a song or a smell or even a food or drink. Hence the reprogramming I add a few songs to my ipod and try to listen to them as I would any other new song, I'm going to start smelling those perfumes until I remember that I am in the here and now. Granted I may never buy those perfumes again, but I want to be able to smell it and be okay with it and not be inexplicably flung into the dark corners of dusty skeletons in my brain. I choose today to be happy, joyous and free. To share my experience, strength and hope.. No more scars to be explained and a long bloody tale to be told with it. The things that happened in my life happened, I can't change that, but I can change today and tomorrow. I'm building new memories, good memories. My life is good now and I need to keep that perspective. But it's not going to be overnight and I'm sure I need to stay on the path I am on now. It's not the end of the road. At no point does it say stop and take a break, slide back into your old shoes and take the road less traveled. Not until you have your backpack full of the things you may need and can grab them easily, for now I must be content with listening to others who have gone the path before me and ended up on the other side and now hold out their hands in welcome at each overpass. And I in return shall grab the hands that are there in case I stumble.