Friday, August 31, 2007

Bigfoot lives in my house

"Holy Crap! What was that?!"


Don't tell anyone, but Bigfoot lives here. Honey as I call him, wears a size 14 1/2 shoe (ladies-control yourselves). It took me 6 months to find sandals that he both liked and that fit. Today's mission, flippers for our vacation. Not having alot of luck, the only ones in that size were some kind of mutant short floating flippers. Even searching online was tedious. Oh and the guy in the dive shop said Honey really needs to come in even for the mask..because if he has feet like that he probably has a huge melon. And he does, hats sit on the tip of his head, which is okay cause I really don't want him runninng around like Panama Jack. Baseball caps do fit and that should be it for him in the hat department, He doesn't need a hat large enough to shade both of our beach chairs.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

He loves me, He loves me not

I took my turtle out for handling last night to see if I can get him to love me, I wanted to let him crawl around but all I could see was the cat (babyfred) playing hockey with the little two inch shell with a baby turtle in it. Whap! Score! Hey! Where's turtle? Has anybody seen turtle? Crunch! Uh Oh! Zeus, put the turtle down! Zeus! You broke turtles home! Bad Doberman!

Edumacted Driver

School is back in session full force which means to me? School zones and whizzing through them for about 10 feet before I say "Oh Shit!" and take my foot off the gas peddle. The thing that gets me? The school zone is a higher speed limit than my subdivision. You would think it would be lower. Wouldn't you? Does this mean the kids at play are more important than the kids coming home from school? Who makes these things up? Maybe it's because they have crossing guards out in force to assist the children coming home from school, maybe they were writing too many tickets or the traffic was clogging up the major roads.

Awhile back I blogged about a toll booth that was stuck on the green thank you, I put my money in it anyway just to be safe, yesterday on the way to Orlando at the same tollbooth I put my mony in and nothing happened, it stayed on the red stop. I sat there and waited then went through and felt guilty for not waiting. But what if it never did change and it took a picture of my tags and I get a ticket (which may or may not happen either way). I am going to be sooo pissed. And probably too lazy to fight it.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


Not even French Vanilla. We were describing people by how they dress and their personalities. Honey said I'm vanilla. To me that means boring. To him that means good. Kind of like apple pie and American flags. I asked my mom how she would describe me and she said eclectic. Eclectic. I suppose I can live with that. Why does it even matter? As my side bar says, "I'm an original- Don't label me."
How would you describe your self? And if you know how how other people describe you, do you agree?

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Test Market

You may or may not have notice that I have placed a few ads on my blog, curious to see if it will actually make me any money. I've been skeptical when reading other blogs that report that they actually earn money, so here is my attempt. I actually don't have a big readership (I know crazy, huh?). So here is my plea: Click an ad or two when you are done reading, I promise to report back to the readers when and if I earn any money. I need the capitol to a) manufacture my bobble heads b) to buy an army of Roombas and start a maid service and c) paint for painting turtles to look like Roomba's (I'll sell those at the local craft fair). I'm pretty sure a bank would give me a loan for any of those business ventures, but I'd rather not start a small business in which the bank has a stake in. So think about it all the ideas have room for growth, I could make Bobble heads for Bloggers world wide! I could also buy a fleet of Scoobas to wash the floor after the army of Roombas have attacked each room at the same time. The painting turtles to look like Roombas & Scooba's could be expanded to paint Roombas look like turtles. Not in love with that idea? Then I could paint your Roomba or your Turtle yellow with a big smiley face. I could be the Cafe Press of Roombas & Turtles..Molly Maid will be banging on my door for custom paint jobs. Oh the possibilities!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Bumble Blog Bobble Head

I have a big head, I look like a Bobble Head. That's sexy huh? Let me know if you want to buy one, I have a feeling they might sell out. Everybody in my family is going to get one, they just don't know it yet. They can pop me on their dash and watch me agree with everything they say. No smart ass comments to endure. No Temper Tantrums ..well you get the point.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

For Kim- She's The Best

I'm a Freakin Genius!

As you can see turtles and cats get along. However, I had a great idea! Kitty isn't scared of Rommba either, so I am going to paint my turtle to look like my Roomba. Roomba lonely no more. God, I'm brilliant!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

We had a baby! It's a turtle!

Honey found this little bitty turtle while he was in the garden (our backyard is on a canal). We feed the turtles all of our old bread, we just go out and toss it into the canal and they eat it right up. Somehow this little guy made it up the bank through some tall grass and into our yard. He was just walking along our patio when Honey spotted him and brought him into me while I was making a salad. And of course, I wanted to keep him. Honey went out to the garage and got another fish tank that we aren't using and we made him a home. Doesn't he look happy?

What should I name my turtle?

Today's Excitement & Procrastination

I was cleaning house again, fuck if I keep this's gonna get ugly. See if I keep it up, Honey is going to expect it all the time. And that would be bad, I could just clean rooms that he never goes in, see that way, he won't notice anything. I already moved the furniture around today. Again. For no particular reason, I just felt like it. I also took down a mirror that was hung way too low and Honey hasn't drilled new holes for of it yet. I'm scared to drill into the brick wall...him he just goes for it.

My mother told me yesterday that she had rattled off a list of things that her brother needs to do next time he is down. He said he is looking forward to it! He comes down from Chicago to visit at least twice a year, once with his wife at the Holidays then another visit by himself to take care of mom's latest projects. I wonder if I can get him over here... I'll have two chandeliers to be hung as well as a ceiling medallion..and pretty much every ceiling fan in the house to be replaced. I buy all this stuff knowing full well that Honey can't play with electricity. So it's all in boxes on one of my couches, which works well for keeping the dogs off the couch.

I think I'm noticing a trend here, Honey is the procrastinator. He blames it on the lead paint chips he ate as a child and living under electricity wires.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Roomba is that You !?

Today is Monday and on Monday's I usually spend the day worrying about what I ate over the weekend and being perturbed by the three pound swing. Today my weight was good, which is good because I was good. So my attention is turned to other things, like grocery shopping and chores. I'm still trying to get this "homemaker" thing worked out. Shouldn't I of all people have a spotless house? I don't work, I don't have kids, it should be easy! Given the size of the house versus the number of rooms we actually use, it should be even easier. But alas, I live with a messy man, oblivious to chaos and three very furry animals who shed. We have dust bunnies, lizard skeletons, and pet hair clumps that roll like tumbleweeds. Today as I was sweeping (eek!) the weekend's hair balls into a corner to be swept into the dustpan, I had to sweep around the Roomba. Roomba was covered in hair. Almost in hiding, poor Roomba has been ignored by me as I combat the hair with: A) the broom daily B) The regular vacuum and C) The industrial sized Shop-Vac. I really need an army of Roomba's to be effective. I could set them all up at once and let them run till the batteries go dead. Granted, I would still have to do this daily. Until then welcome to my fuzzy wuzzy world, feel free to take a pet tumbleweed home with you on your way out.

Saturday, August 18, 2007


Hurricane Dean is headed to all the Islands we are suppose to visit on our cruise in 3 weeks. Now we are wondering where we are REALLY going to be headed if there is a lot of destruction. It could be worse though, our Niece (who by the way has the same first and middle name as my sister) flew into Cancun/Cozumel yesterday and is trying frantically to get a flight out today.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Gone Fishin'

I got nothin..nothin but a huge migraine. crikey. atmospheric pressure.

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the
beer and liquor section.One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said,"The beer is used for washing our hair." The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying. . ."Here, don't forget the curlers."

Trying Twitter

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    Tuesday, August 14, 2007

    Too Too Cute Tutu Kitty!

    Because I'm bored. Isn't my Baby Fred darling?

    Mary Magdalene and the Ponchus Pilot

    Mom: Are you on drugs?
    Me: No and that seems to be the problem.
    Me: I was bored
    Mom: WHY??
    Me: Things should be getting pretty exciting in a week or so.
    Mom: I worry about you
    Me: Don't we all sister? Don't we all...
    Mom: Are you feeling ok?
    Me: So-so
    Me: Ta-da!
    Mom: What?
    Me: Here I am!
    Mom: In all you glory
    Me: I was just kidding about not taking my meds, just rattling your cage.

    If my mom were Catholic this might be her (not about me going on a cruise but about stopping my meds), but my mom doesn't curse.

    Monday, August 13, 2007

    From The Rock To The Water

    In less than one month, this will be me swimming with the stingrays in Grand Caymen. You can feed them, pet them and rub their bellys. Apparently they are like puppies. Can you believe the color of the water of the ocean? I wouldn't believe it except that this is not my first trip there and it was great! Last time though we didn't swim with the Stingrays. It's weird everybody seems concerned about swimming with the Stingrays because of Steve Irwin, but I figure you only live once. After all Dobermans get a bad rap and my Dobie is sweeter than cotton candy. Plus I have a sneaking inkling that they are Skates not Stingrays..I'm off to google that..

    Rinse Wash Repeat

    Do you ever do things you know you really shouldn't do? You know that the results aren't going to be good, but you do it anyways? Seriously. I never learn, or maybe my mind is set on the "Fuck It/whatever" mode. In which I do whatever I please then I have to deal with the consequences. Tell me one mistake you make over and over and if the results ever vary?

    Saturday, August 11, 2007


    Ta-Da! I was aimlessly surfing when Mom IM's me. Her first line? Ta-Da! Like she was a magician on stage or a cute little dancer of 8 who just pulled off her first recital You have to remember this isn't her first IM ever, she's a pretty old hand at it. We IM pretty much everynight even though we just live about 5 miles apart. Ta-Da! I giggle everytime I type it. I just left a comment on my sister's blog, where she forgot to mention that I'm her Baby sister. She just said sister. Harumph. I will not be carried into her Gen X era without a fight. No Ta-Da! You are now in your late 30's (which I'm not). I'm thinking next year I'm going stick on 34, or maybe knock it down a year. I have this theory that you can pretty much pull off any age you want if you alternate years with sticking then reducing. Hell, I was 21 for 5 years then I forgot to add a year on when it wasfinally my 21st birthday, I had to look it up.

    Friday, August 10, 2007

    Thursday, August 09, 2007

    Wednesday, August 08, 2007

    Space Shuttle

    Just taken in my backyard. Well not really we were standing in the vacant lot next door...our grass looks much better than what yousee at the end.

    Make it Stop!

    Haha-when I was searching to see exactly how hot hell is ( because it feels like we are in hell now) ...this came up:
    Visiting Hell?
    Your Official Travel Site. Travel Deals from 100+ Sites

    I don't think you actually visit Hell, I always thought you had to stay forever.

    The whole point is, I'm melting..

    That's right 105.8 in my backyard. I'm going to go crack some eggs and put a few pieces of bacon on the patio stones.

    Tuesday, August 07, 2007

    Hotter than before

    It's not good when the temperature in your backyard sounds like a radio station's call letters. 105.4

    Saturday, August 04, 2007

    Sexy Engrish and Bling

    Besides the great Engrish on this Japanese web site Strapya, the cell phone straps themsleves are pretty cute. For less than $20 US dollars you can buy the set.

    To attracted him today,
    Don't show off your bra and shorts as a show girl..
    Real Underwear Miniature Cell Phone Straps
    can support you taking his attention to you...
    a Conpound Word booming from JAPAN to the World lately.
    Erotic but still KAWAII, these two words are all girls and gals want but it's impossible to make both in your beaty normally. EROKAWA fashion and Erokawa Style are quite innovative and greedy but wise ways now Japanese girls and celebs are willingly take!

    Oh and Fuck the iphone, I want the new Vertu Phone, as always the Vertu phones are made with real diamonds, gemstones and precious metals..

    Mena, Mena , Mena.....

    What has Mena Suvari done? Looking more like American Psycho than American Beauty. She has shorn her lovely gold locks and looks like she and Britney Spears should form a cult. Or join the army or go play Gi Jane.. Didn't she take note of Britney wearing WIGS???


    I've never been a X-Files fan, but I like David Duchovny well enough to give this preview a try. It's twisted enough that I would watch it again. And we all know my attention span is sometimes short. He plays Hank Moody in the new series along with NATASCHA McELHONE , MADELEINE MARTIN, MADELINE ZIMA and EVAN HANDLER

    Famed novelist & NYC transplant Hank relocates to LA after his acclaimed
    book is optioned, but it later becomes a crappy romantic comedy, which sparks a
    horrible case of writer's block. He's struggling to get his career back on track
    with the help of his agent/best friend, raise his pre-teen daughter, all while
    pining for his ex-girlfriend, who is now engaged to another man. It may sound
    desperate, but he enjoys life and owns all his various vices - drink, drugs and
    women - with a refreshing sense of honesty and unapologetic candor. He's holding
    it together while falling apart, and he doesn't mind it one bit.

    I watched the preview episode on Netflix, but you can also see it here: Official Site.
    Showtime set to air :

    Friday, August 03, 2007

    Elevator Up!

    Turns out a new episode comes every Thursday! Yay! One more thing about Thursdays to love! Yay!

    I would never do this. I love my pets, but I don't take them in elevators.

    Still Going Up!

    Man in the Box Show- Ronald Jenke

    Thursday, August 02, 2007

    Going Up

    I live for Thursdays. Most people live for Friday, but since I don't work there has to be a day that brings the giddiness of an upcoming weekend. So what happens on Thursdays? Publix puts out a new sale flyer for the upcoming week for one thing, they start their sales on Thursdays, I like that. One of my favorite columnists puts out a new piece, I like him and I like knowing he'll be there every Thursday and even if he's on vacation, they will run an old piece. Another web site posts all new crap on Thursdays. So Thursdays are basically pretty exciting for me, especially since I don't remember any of this stuff until about 5 pm on Thursdays. Then I get happy, happy that the things that matter to me are all new on Thursdays, it beats the hell out of the regular news.

    And here's a nice little Thursday joke:

    A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blond already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).

    He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only).

    She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

    He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

    The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

    The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

    The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

    The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

    Wednesday, August 01, 2007

    The Pink Flamingo Award

    Over the weekend looking out at Tampa Bay and a small nature preserve, we saw some pink birds that we we choose to call Flamingos, granted we were 6 flights up and the outside of the window had a fine salt spray haze covering it. The birds were more than likely a variety of Spoonbills as Flamingos are not native to Florida. While I was thinking about this, I was reminded of an idea that friend and I came up with while tooling along the exclusive homes of the Las Olas Isles in Ft. Lauderdale. Money does not buy taste, some of these 5 million dollar homes had such things as plastic grapes on a wrought iron fence, cheap concrete statuary common among trailer parks and a myriad of other atrocities that offended our eyes. It was then that we decided that those yards might as well have a pink plastic flamingo in the front lawn, if there wasn't one already. We mulled the idea over and decided that placing said flamingo would just result in the plucking of the famous lawn ornaments and it being discarded. It was then I decided that we should make a template that could be spray painted in under a minute and just off the curb in front of the house, not quite noticeable but after a few were discovered surely we might make the newspaper (w/o being known). Who is painting Pink Flamingos on curbs and what do they mean? Genius. We never did get around to executing our brilliant idea of "public art", but I still get a chuckle and an urge to head to the paint department for some pink paint every now and again.