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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Dude, You Are So Doomed


Okay, so Honey took me out yesterday because I swear I was getting cabin fever. I picked Target, World Market and Bed, Bath and Beyond. We are at Target, where you can buy everything from a Coach purse to motor oil. We bought a cheesecake for today's dinner (they carry The Cheesecake Factory Cheesecakes in the freezer section, which is good because otherwise we would have to leave the beach and go to Orlando to get one). So I move on to greeting cards, it's a effin zoo. But I manage to slip into a spot and pick out a couple, when I see this absolutely gorgeous little blonde girl in a white eyelet sundress standing in a cart. I go back to Honey, tug on his shirt and tell him to look at her. She is like a doll, my heart strings are being pulled. Honey points out something else is in the cart with her. It's a Swifter squirting WetJet Mop, or whatever they are called. So? I ask. Honey points out the girl is ALONE with her daddy, while DADDY picks out a Mother's Day card. It appears that this guy is going to give his wife, the mother of that adorable breathtaking girl a Swifter Wetjet for Mother's Day. Uh-Oh. Yeah, big Uh-oh. Honey wants to know if he should go warn the guy that he is a dead man if he brings that home to his wife. I dare him. Then double dog dare him to tell the guy. Honey won't do it. The guy looks like an asshole, he has board shorts on, a baseball hat backwards and looks... just that he looks like.... well like an asshole. You don't buy your wife cleaning products for a present, except for maybe a Roomba, because those are actually fun too. But a mop? A bag of rags? A Chamois? Not even if she asks for it. This is my Honey explaining this to me, like I need him to do that, but yeah I fall more in love with my honey knowing he is never going to do that to me. I chime in that you don't buy a treadmill, a stairmaster, thighmaster, ab cruncher even with her asking for it in any way passing even if she is the most athletic girl in the world, for a present. Because nothing screams "Get your ass in shape before I leave you for a bimbo" like exercise equipment on Christmas or any other gift giving holiday. The same way cleaning products scream "You don't keep the house clean enough for me toots". Nice huh? So yeah, that guy he's gotta be dead by now. And that poor little girl has no daddy anymore. So how was your Mother's Day? Do you feel like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider (Doom Series) and ready to kick some ass or do you feel like a queen? And if you have no kids...did you go out and laugh at husbands trying to shop?

7 comments:

soapy t said...

my mother once bought my father a sprinkler that moved around the lawn (so that he wouldn't have to move the sprinklers himself) for father's day one year and there was a big fight.

kim said...

girl, you gotta go read about it.

even with the ER visit -- that's right, ER visit -- I had a great day. My kids rock and treated me special, Rich and I went shopping and he didn't breath too hard when I made him look at window treatments for a really long time and I found 800 thread count egyptian cotton sheets on sale for a steal (cheaper than target -- 800 thread count).

thanks for asking :o)

kim said...

Oh, I totally would have said something to that guy, but only if I was sure he wouldn't go and beat his wife for being called out.

ramblin rose... said...

I got a carpet shampoo machine!! I loved it and spent the day happily (truly happy) washing everything in sight!!

:)

TTQ said...

Can you come to my house RR? Glad you liked you Mother's Day present.

Andie said...

some guys are so clueless.

Frannie Farmer said...

Oh, Mr. Farmer knows better too.
But usually I just tell him what I really, really (REALLY)want, and if he doesn't get the hint, I just buy it later ... :)
We had a terrific day at the Farmer house ...