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Thursday, March 04, 2010

sometimes you lose it. seriously . lose it. Just when you think you are in control. who the hell do you think you are ...in control? Fuck no. I'm trying to keep up with my space face book twitter tweeter twatter Nancy Grace Bill OReilly. I can't even count my change. Cars crashed and totaled, new meds more dr's chipped nails (pets that burst open no shit for real and stitched back up) and an ever running nose from crying. THIS IS WHY I WAS NEVER GOING TO MARRY. I'm a freaking wreck, now I'm getting bids to remodel our house just the outside thank god. Oh and the lovely holidays don't get me started. A friend lamented with me today as we both were crying on the phone. I hate men and pets they hurt you and you hurt so bad you think that the world is over and the sun will never shine again.

Can I live in a room with a nice sunbeam and internet? Fuck my spare room with all it's pretty clothes, baubles and make-up. So So spoiled seriously. Whose husband lets them turn the MASTER SUITE into a a dressing room? If I lived in a room, I could travel when I wanted or sleep for days. I could come out when I wanted or stay in. I lived alone for 6 years, I don't want a whole townhouse or apt. I want a room with a view. I'm really no trouble, I could taxi or whatever I don't need the cars outside my house, I just crash shit anyway. People shouldn't call me, I really don't mind. How's about I call you? Maybe meet for coffee, but mostly I want my room just a room. a room with a nice sunbeam. On bad days I can close the blinds and huddle up as if I needed to stay warm from the cold from outside that I never walk upon.

welcome home I'm home I might call out to you if I hear you slow outside my room, my room with a nice sunbeam. Would you like to see my room, my room with a nice sunbeam, I ordered the nicest bed linens with new curtains to match. I even rearranged the art again. Come into my room, but don't make me come out. You're busy ..well that's okay too. Maybe some other day. your footsteps may slow or maybe you'll tap tap tap upon my door. Maybe it will be a good time for me and for you and I'll make you some cocoa and close the door behind you. And you will be in my nice little room with it's sunbeams dancing off all the crystals I hung. We may sip in silence or maybe laugh of my next desire, maybe you confide in me, for I don't come out much you see. The world is big and I am not though travel I think about alot, as long as I have my own little room just a dot on the globe, in a circle on our map then a box on the street where I am alot.

maybe I'll have my room soon, maybe just maybe even it's a room with a plastic slot to get into my own little room.

40 comments:

soapy t said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soapy t said...

i feel you. i hear you. i live alone and i love it. my life has no room for anyone on the inside. no room in my heart. no room in my head. i just need support on the outside and a reason to leave my house or a reason not to. always want to be invited. never want to go. missed you. and welcome back.

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