sometimes you lose it. seriously . lose it. Just when you think you are in control. who the hell do you think you are ...in control? Fuck no. I'm trying to keep up with my space face book twitter tweeter twatter Nancy Grace Bill OReilly. I can't even count my change. Cars crashed and totaled, new meds more dr's chipped nails (pets that burst open no shit for real and stitched back up) and an ever running nose from crying. THIS IS WHY I WAS NEVER GOING TO MARRY. I'm a freaking wreck, now I'm getting bids to remodel our house just the outside thank god. Oh and the lovely holidays don't get me started. A friend lamented with me today as we both were crying on the phone. I hate men and pets they hurt you and you hurt so bad you think that the world is over and the sun will never shine again.

Can I live in a room with a nice sunbeam and internet? Fuck my spare room with all it's pretty clothes, baubles and make-up. So So spoiled seriously. Whose husband lets them turn the MASTER SUITE into a a dressing room? If I lived in a room, I could travel when I wanted or sleep for days. I could come out when I wanted or stay in. I lived alone for 6 years, I don't want a whole townhouse or apt. I want a room with a view. I'm really no trouble, I could taxi or whatever I don't need the cars outside my house, I just crash shit anyway. People shouldn't call me, I really don't mind. How's about I call you? Maybe meet for coffee, but mostly I want my room just a room. a room with a nice sunbeam. On bad days I can close the blinds and huddle up as if I needed to stay warm from the cold from outside that I never walk upon.

welcome home I'm home I might call out to you if I hear you slow outside my room, my room with a nice sunbeam. Would you like to see my room, my room with a nice sunbeam, I ordered the nicest bed linens with new curtains to match. I even rearranged the art again. Come into my room, but don't make me come out. You're busy ..well that's okay too. Maybe some other day. your footsteps may slow or maybe you'll tap tap tap upon my door. Maybe it will be a good time for me and for you and I'll make you some cocoa and close the door behind you. And you will be in my nice little room with it's sunbeams dancing off all the crystals I hung. We may sip in silence or maybe laugh of my next desire, maybe you confide in me, for I don't come out much you see. The world is big and I am not though travel I think about alot, as long as I have my own little room just a dot on the globe, in a circle on our map then a box on the street where I am alot.

maybe I'll have my room soon, maybe just maybe even it's a room with a plastic slot to get into my own little room.

I like to sleep

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

And they all came out the same...

Oh don't be sad little man. heart hug heart hug heart hug...and on and on. TIGHT SCHEDULE!!!!! Gotta go little man! Bye Bear!

Your The Boss Applesauce

Edie Sedgwick - Warhol's Superstar
Uploaded by Materialiste. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Apparently I'm a girl version of Clark Griswald

So my lack of blogging is still slacking. I can't blame facebook, I just check in a couple of times a day. Basically I'm in a mental lull and shaking off the last hospital visit where I just about got my ass confined to a mental facility. Good job huh? Once the tox screen came out clean and a nice Dr came and talked to me, I was let out in a few hours. The only danger I had put myself in was a Christmas tree slide down and pin me on the floor. The more I tried to get out, the harder it made it to get out. Kinda funny in a way, cept for the ambulance but my leg was so banged up and mangeld I was sure it was broken. They gave me a private room with a 24 hour nurse to babysit me, Seriously. 8 hour shifts. Just hanging there watching, one had a PDA, I kinda wanted to bribe her.

So I'm on the down low if you know what I mean, keeping a low profile so my whole RL social circle is pretty much in the dark. Blogging friends, I know you won't blab it all over facebook.

For Myself

For My Mom

She says "Does it make you happy?" Yes, it does, Mom it does. She rides the little waves with me somehow holding my hand.

For My Ever Loving Husband

A rock for me to cling to


.

Hell On Wheels

Hell on Wheelchairs I mean. This is so not what I wanted for our annual cruise. What part of Resort Wear fit it. Still Thinking? Yeah me too, so I didn't bring the wheelchair shopping. So vain and so unhappy, despite the 10 lbs I dropped in two weeks. Not good. I suggested the wheelchair (yes, we own one) for Mom. She suggested it for me. Honey is soooo need of a vacation, and it being hurricane season, he's suggest Mom and I go alone. Two suites. Two people. He's worried about our house and our animals.Hence we may be a party for two, not three, *so sad*

As for my lack of blogging, I was in the hospital again 8 LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG days my gyno confirmed the hospital does have wi-fi! He's about two years older than me is totally about being connected. I had made it a mission to ask every doc,nurse, supervisor etc hence the gyno.

Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Dies in LA at 3:15pm Pacific Time.

Wonky Eyes, Mullets and Jersey Girls

Why do all the girls on NYC Prep have wonky eyes? Is it a tribute to Paris Hilton's lazy eye that resulted from a bad plastic surgery? My beagle has a wonky eye, it's great he can watch the door and your dinner plate at the exact same time even though one's left and the other is right. When photographed, I have shown up with a squinty right eye, like I'm raising one eyebrow and staring you down. In any case NYC Prep is no match for Gossip Girl . Having exhausted all my options on my DVR, I have to find something on TV. I have seen all the hot shows of last Fall. I let my netflix lapse when I switched bank accounts. Big Mistake.

Are mullets coming back? I was in the village and noticed a guy I had seen around had cut his hair. I was actually changing my perspective UNTIL his back was too me and his hair was pulled to one side and over his shoulder. Clearly because he was proud of his mullet he had adapted to show his off from the back and the front. Hannah Montana you are to blame, bringing daddy back in the spotlight. Even worse, girls with mullets. And does big hair count as a mullet on steroids? If so call me guilty.

With my big hair it could be assumed that I was a Jersey Girl too. My BF in High School was/is Jersey Girl (WORSE: We lived in the Boca Raton Area). Speaking of Jersey Girls..more addictive television.. The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Is Danielle really as naughty as they painted her? I love when Teresa flips the table and flips out screaming obscenities at Danielle...classic. Hair pulling bitches in heat. I can't wait to get my hands on "A Cop Without a Badge", the NY Post has pretty much covered everything, but I want to read the book myself. My take on the book without reading it... It was a planned stunt to promote the book which her ex-husband wrote, and he isn't paying her alimony (or her settlement) so she probably is not suing for slander, and instead goes straight to the neck and gets the royalties for the book and probably a nice chunk of change for the whole deal (book and TV show). Tonight is part 2 of finale, which means Honey and I can watch reruns that we haven't seen this summer.

P.S. To be fair I'm posting my Senior picture (big hair and wonky eye on display)....

I Had A Friend Or So I thought

I shall call this post "Pity Party"

All week I've been outta sorts. Starting on Monday with lunch with some other ladies. I got emotional and (cough) a friend who said "I'll drive over to your house and we can chat" Chatting consisted of her asking me if I thought about checking into the hospital. I said "I spend enough time there". She says "Not that Hospital, the Psych Hospital" now I feel like I've just peed myself and everybody can see it but only one person comes to your rescue. and that person loves to kick a person when they are down. I said I'm doing as well as can be expected. So all evening I'm breaking out in tears in my bubble bath instead of reading. She was also kind enough to say you look like hell, you do not look like your are doing well. Seriously. Are you fucking kidding me? Why would someone lay that on somebody who is apparently a little fragile. Or should I say touchy? I'm not very thick skinned but I like to think I am but really I'm not. I shouldn't have to be, I thought I knew who my friends are. But I was wrong.

My other friends and family don't do that. They offer comfort and good wishes and sit in hospital waiting rooms. The nexy day was going to be busy,I had an appointment to see a Neurologist in the morning and the Transplant Center had a MRI scheduled for 5:30. Which was a complete waste of time, they tried to scan me but apparently the implanted valve in my liver

was warping the pics. That's why you have to take all the metal out of your clothes or go in gown.

whatever..I dumped it, it's over. thought about then tried to block everything she said, and now I offer it up you guys as a Friday surprise

rootless Tree

TICK TOCK

People I Shouldn't Be Able to Play With

The other day I threatened to throw a handful of pennies into the ceiling fan that was on...She's a little more sedate though

sweet?

what are they going do, bring me a cake?

And today, i just don't give shit.

The best part was asking for the papers to release myself against medical advice. Only the the Dr's had released me already! The nurse had the clip board ready for my signature, 5 hours earlier. Fucker.

My original room was in a different ward that they had closed sometime while I was floating on morphine to a SHARED ROOM with 1 TV and a crack ho in the other bed. Thankfully Mom walked in and Honey followed five mins later. Mom was appalled, Honey was furious. The third iv infiltrated my right hand. I told them it was going blow....it looked like a latex glove filled air and then some. and i couldn't stop crying. So to prevent me from being a TTQ they kept me drugged, thank god I took my jewelry off and gave it to mom. I also was crying and said No DNR. I GIVE. I GIVE FUCKING UP.

xoxoxo
TTQ

Oh no he didn't

He increased the one of psych drugs that are suppose to help me NOT HAVING as many anxiety attacks. It did the exact opposite. Add that to high ammonia levels. Real freaking fun train as any train at Disney world.

Now I have been able to listen and type again YaY!

Now lets hope the new transplant medicine jive with the bucket of pills I take daily.

I would try to type and I couldn't finish a sentance or how to spell.... And that pissed me off, because I knew I could spell but weird words were popping out and onto the blog. So I gave it a rest on blogging.

It's the Little Things

Some how while I was in the bath or watching House, Honey slipped away and picked a handful of Gardenias. It smells wonderful in here, I thought maybe it was a Yankee Candle, I dropped and broke the glass last night. Just a pretty bowl of gardenias was sitting next to my monitor.

I've been nesting and really cleaned out our office, and bought new desks, lamps, art, curtains and bookcases. It was a project that I have been working on for a week or two.

Good news on the transplant list, I'm doing better now than I was last years evaluation. The bad part is where the body tries to compensate for the failing organ. For which the gave me a script, I dropped it off at CVS. A few hours later, the pharmacy called the new script was going to be over $1,000 per month, or use my insurance and pay $500. Nothing could be done over the weekend, so today I spent the time on the phone with with CVS , they have the drugs and under my insurance I pay $50 for name brand, or $8.00 by using the mail order and a 90 day supply. Hook me up baby $1000 to $50.00

Pop! Just like a bottle of Champange!

Which one of these girls is me?

What's the Harm in Breaking out in Song and Dance?

Well Oh Yee Haw

My doberman has stink breath, it doesn't help that his head is level with my head when I sit in my 'puter chair. He keeps trying to get a kiss on the lips or his nose. I wonder if Honey would notice if I used his toothbrush to brush Zeus's teeth. He shares his Popsicles with Fletch and Zeus. Babyfred being the delicate and graceful cat she is, gives kisses only on command, that's my baby!

I'm freezing, would it be silly to heat the entire house by turning the heat on? Honey would just turn the a/c on when he gets home. Then after his shower and before my bath I turn the whole thing off. (it's 72 outside and 73.9 inside)

It's a paperwork day which means I don't really tidy up on those days, however I feel guilty today because I got done at 12:00, except for refiling the stuff I pulled from the files. IRS lady was pretty cool, didn't get anywhere but all the same. The other people at various offices were annoyed, but helpful in the end.

I could go get my bloodwork done but I've already downed enough caffeine to win a horse race.

Actually, I'm really sort of bored. I shopped all day yesterday

Zeus wants to eat NOW! Fletch and Babyfred are in their office beds pretending to sleep, which means Fletch isn't ready to eat. Baby gets a kibbles dish kept full, her treats come when Honey gets home. He feeds her real people tuna AND canned food. Oh and kitty treats. How in the hell does she stay so tiny?

Great, now one of them has gas. The office is too small for that kinda stuff.

Mom left her computer on and her cats are walking all over her desk, keyboard and mouse. She keeps going idle, then she's back, then she's idle..

Take No Prisioners

You have to feed them and all that crap, if I wanted that type of situation I would have just had a baby. I'm feeling pretty hostile today, which is odd for me, Temper Tantrums are par for the course. But downright smoldering and hostile not good. Everybody Buckle Up it's going to be a very rough landing. Or don't what do I care if you bonk your head on the ceiling or fly over the banister, trip down a flight of stairs....

Tick Tock And It Don't Stop

TTQ completed the quiz "Which crazy bitch are you?" with the result Sylvia Plath.
You are one intense bitch. You are almost abnormally introspective but this is where your abundant creativity flows from. You love handsome, brilliant, creative genius types but you pay the price when their egos and lustful ways cause them to betray you. You are a very intelligent, classy lady with a black streak and can be very emotional at times. You do have a bit of a morbid side but your words often lead you to be misunderstood as a dark figure but that is just how you protect your soft mushy insides

Way down the lane away, living for another day

The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze

Swim seagull in the sky towards that hollow western isle

My envied lady holds you fast in her gaze

Sing Blue Silver

Fierce honeys sweet as marmalade courtesians

Have You? Kiss & Tell !

Do you like the way ....Grrrrr

*sigh*

Stolen Goods

I stole this from Andie. I had nothing of my own. So, why not!!! Go visit her blog she is always doing something IRL. Seriously, I don't know how she does it, so I live vicariously through her.

Andie at Sweet. Southern.Spirited



1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car) - Sugar Explorer

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe) - Vanilla Boots

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal) - Black Cat

4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born) - Lee Chester

5.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink) - Pink Rockstar

6.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers) - Paul Clueless

7.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)- Beautiful Truffle

8.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) -

Polyester (which I would change to Polly) Philadelphia (I can't recall the teachers name only that she was old and wore polyester pantsuits)

19.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower) - Winter Roses

10.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now) - Pineapple Panties

11.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree) - Nothing Frangiponi

12.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived) - Sugar Atlantic

13. Witness Protection Name (Mother and Father's middle names)- Louise Roach


so what are yours?

Let's Talk about Sex Baby, Lets Talk About You & Me

I Never Did Get Into Yale

Most of my teens and 20's I was pretty much a party girl.. My two sisters worked hard to earn their educations. One even excelled into an Ivy League, the other got hers while she worked to earn her own on her own two feet. I'm amazed I can even spell. The point is, my acceptance letter that I received today was very much akin to get into the college of your dreams

Going through the daily mail dumped onto my desk was a letter. At first glance it almost got tossed into the medical issue pile. The Transplant Center works quickly, it was a welcome to and we are pleased to have you as a patient now take this bloodwork order and get started. Be here 30 mins ahead of time and bring us your parking ticket for validation. Good thing I didn't toss it into the pile because I didn't really want to deal with anything else today. But I'm glad I did.

I think a Space Shuttle just went up. The windows were rattling and you can almost feel air being sucked up by the shuttle. If it were coming home it would be a loud bang and never fails to spook me because I really don't pay much attention any more. One boom came when I was at a red light. I swear to god I thought a car exploded, it was too loud to be a back fire. Another time I was in the bathtub home alone....

Bring On The Salt Mines

Mom is doing better, she went back to work. she gets bored when she isn't working. Honey went back to work and everything looks good now. Me, no GI will take me on as a patient anymore, so it's back to the transplant center. I went there get on the list (in 2007 or 2006) but continued with my regular GI , GP and a few others sprinkled in there. So they do have my file and I have most of 2008 & 2009. The tricky part? Getting to the Transplant Center (which is in Orlando) when we have an emergency. Right now the hospital we end up going too is between my house and Mom's help. A whole whopping 2 miles to either Mom's or Mine. Honey is wanting to baby me more. I know he means well, but give me the little dignity and some room to chill. I am capable of drawing my own bubble baths and making my dinner. I hurt everyday, but I can and need to do some things myself. If I go shopping on my own, he calls a gazillion times. I should be feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, but I am kinda going through the stages of grief

Right now I'm ready to go get some serious retail shopping. It's that or getting my hair cut off and colored some different. Which to me is much scary than the medical stull.

Cyd- If you are stll in China, you know what I want you to bring back. I know it's not Japan, but they may have some cool HK Sanrio stuff. Oh and maybe a knock off Chanel . Big Black with the white double C's (For long days to Orlando). And a baby one too for everyday. I promise not to cry for at least a week, maybe more.

Holy Batshit!

I could never be Mary Poppins, I have a purse bigger than her valise but she manages to pull all sorts of shit out of her bag. I am going to have to retire the new purse early. My mom can't even hold my purse let alone carry it, so clearly mine is not magical.

On a side note: My Uncle was in town as he is every Febuary and treated us to wonderful 8 course meals, of course I ate things I shouldn't have. It wasn't my weight that I was watching out for, I ate too much meat and my liver produces poison that the blood can't cleanse on its own. I have medicine for it, I try to take it all the time but it makes me sick to my stomach making it hard to eat anything. So we had a brief little jaunt to the ER when it became clear that I was having another fit of encephalopathy (and the hospital was full, so they held me in an ER room for 12 hours). And that shit makes you crazy when it hits the brain. It's kinda like tripping I suppose. I couldn't speak anything but gibberish which is frustrating to me and to whom I speak with. Ugh. Then I thought I could write notes, but it took forever and when I was done it was gibberish too.

Apparently I also tried to walk out of the Hospital as well. Usually they hold me 3 or 4 days and/or my blood is clean again. Mom said Honey should have taken me earlier but he wasn't sure because I was sleeping. But when he kept waking me up again (allegedly) I was muttering nonsense and he's just looking at me like my hair was on fire. My GP took me the next day in his office. His smug ass plops down and says so you were a little fuzzy the other night. Actually Dr. SmugAss, I was off MY Fucking Rocker. And I really don't like being outta my freaking gourd and making a scene.



And the story gets better, Honey spent the day running out for more medicine, my Tropical Smoothie, the grocery and starts dinner in a crock pot. So Monday was good he even watched House with me in the bedroom! He always goes to bed with FOX news or Nancy Grace on bedroom TV. We go to sleep, he gets up goes to work and I get a phone call at 8:30 am..NOBODY calls the house before 12 unless its prearranged. It's the Office Manager from his office. Honey has been taken to the ER with chest pains. So now I'm up and I can't drive myself anywhere, so I call Mom. She was coming over anyway to take me to the Dr., so now she's coming early and I have to walk into the same ER I was freaking crazy in the day before. I sucked it up and kept my eyes looking any where a nurse wasn't. So now Honey's in the hospital with a kidney function problem, once they fix that they are going to do a Heart Cath. Hopefully he'll get out tomorrow or Friday, The heart Dr told me thats about right.

So for the first time in almost 5 years that I've spent the night alone unattended.
Is it wrong to want to go back to Mom's? I would but the pets "kids" are here.

Just a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down....

Only in my life, only in my life. But for now I'm just a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Mom's Are Hysterical

Mom had a minor outpatient procedure on her pace maker today. I spent the night with her because we were getting up before 7am. Ugh. I dropped her off and went back to my house to maybe catch my husband before he left for work. I went back to get her after catching a few more zzzzzzz's, she had me searching all over the hospital for her, she gave me the wrong info. I finally find her and she pops right up! I'm ready to go home! BUT, they won't let her go until her heart rate was over 90. We gave her clothes in anticipation of her blood pressure rising above 90. 101! Yay, she can go now!

I left her in the car while I went into the post office for her, she didn't go anywhere. We get to her house and she gets to the door, "My book!" ok I'll get it from my purse. "My Clothes!" Mom you are wearing your clothes! "Oh yeah !" and starts giggling. We get her inside and she starts off down the hallway and ping pongs off every wall. That's when I took her keys. Her brother is flying in today and Mom wanted to pick him up by herself. She's going to be sitting shotgun today.

Hmm.

There has been a whole lot of cleaning going on here, I'm not talking about just straightening up. I mean get the cobwebs out of corners that nobody sees just because the ones you can see got cleaned.

I'm thinking of investing money in a case of canned air. Blasting baseboards, cleaning underneath some tables, and basically using it like a colt 45 on dust and webs. I have a feeling that at the rate of speed I seem to be going, the starting point will be dusty again. I haven't touched a thing in our study yet, but I'm staring at a mighty dirty window sill. Honey's idea of cleaning his desk is to put everything on my chair or on my desk. He likes when I declutter his for him. Right now I can't even see mine and what I do see is alot of dust which brings me back to canned air theory. It seems like it should work and if not it's always fun to turn it upside down and freeze an unsuspecting person. If you have never done it, I suggest you go raid your office supply cabinet at work for air and walk past someone and blast them on the arm. Never on the face, that would just be dangerous.

I'm My Own Best Valentine!

Last night after discovering that I was missing a diamond earring, probably while shopping where I changed clothes. I set upon a mission to get bigger (but not too big) diamond studs. While I was just looking, why not check out the suburban handcuffs that my husband so loves to buy, and which I discovered I only had three when there should have been four on my arm (yep lost one of those too)? Hopefully I can accomplish this mission by finding something in a store instead of on-line for jewelry since Honey likes to go into the store shell out the cash after I gush about how much I like something. Of course I've already been to every jewelry store in the weeks leading up to Valentines Day. This way he doesn't get ripped off and he loves to buy me stuff when I am trying it on. "You like it?" yes! "Great let's get it right now!" And presto! We are done in 10 painless minutes and off to enjoy the rest of the evening.

P.S. Getting the little blue box from Tiffany's was actually a let down, it just wasn't the same as actually going into a Tiffany's. I could have ordered it from freaking Wal-mart and had them gift wrap it. Well maybe they don't gift wrap but I don't care to find out, it'd probably be camouflage.

Oh and if you want to send me Valentines just send it to:

Mrs. Temper Tantrum Queen

112233 Boogie Boogie Ave.

The Great Sun-Shiny State 32922

Short and Sweet Unlike the Academy Awards

Courteny Love ready to hit the Red Carpet...

I once had a guy ask me out on the premise of the fact he thought it was cool that I had done nothing over vacation but watch movie after movie. Yeah that really made me want to make my teenaged loins ache for him. Movies are best watched ALONE. Sex too but not all the time, but that's another day's subject.

Award Shows suck. zzzzzzzz

Dark,twisted and sacrcastic troubled people turn me on. TV shows, books and movies...music. Everything. Thank God I married Honey in a fit on sensibility he was the opposite of every bad boy (okay well older men that tend to brood) asshole. Why would I want to see people glide onstage and grasp some phallic like object coated in some semi-precious metal? I mean really if they tripped and fell, that would make me watch. Yeah so I like some of the movies, some I couldn't be bothered with and lastly I'm more of an indie girl, but that doesn't make the Sundance Award Show any better.

Cheeseburgers and Cupcakes!

We ate them in that order from a lovely little Bistro and a cutesy pie cuppycake store! In our soto whisper to each other "We have 6 cupcakes!" and "We have cheesecake!" I'm surprised we didn't hold hands and start skipping. Mom and I took a lovely little road trip up to St. Augustine and stayed at a lovely little HUGE Word Famous Golf Hall of Fame resort. No, I did not bring my clubs ( I really really suck and she can't do upper body exercise yet)We had cable with all the HBOs, we had sweets, we had books. It was cold but we shopped anyway. Mom is doing so much better, she cat naps without meaning too, but she's still recovering so it was to be expected. I did all the driving (EGADS!). We had no pressure to do any of the touristy historics sites, we've done them before and they are only 2 hours away when I drive. We just shopped and ate, twice at the Martini Bar Bistro (No martinis for us) great food though. Then we found an awesome Tapas resteraunt but we got full after sharing three. That was sad they all sounded so good. I found a local cigar maker and brought Honey home some plus we bought him new clothes, pecans and pecan candies among other junk. He was glad to have his girls home, he had to work and had to stay home. :-(

Tommorow Honey and I are taking a tiny road trip to Orlando to stock up on more cigars. I figure we can have a nice lunch before we have to be home at 3:00 pm to feed the kids. I'm also going to find (wish me luck!) Mom a watch that looks like the one I just bought while we were in St. Augustine, she is wishing she had got one for herself. Or maybe I should just give her mine, I already told she can borrow it whenever she wants..

Glad to be home, missed my internet, missed my kids, really really missed Honey although he called us a zillion times a day. Fun dinner on Sunday with Mom and Honey planned!!! Yay! Food and laughter!

It's like a belated Christmas since she was released the day before Christmas and nobody bothered to put trees up at either house, we were all a mess. No presents or usual customs, but the sun is here again!

Me Likey!!

Especially endearing if you have ever been hit with Dissociative Identity Disorder or know or deal with one. Good Times! Good Times! Now watch the 1st episode, I so nicely posted..Drum Roll Please! THE UNITED STATES OF TARA! by Showtime

RIP

To all my fellow blog friends who have jumped ship to facebook, I understand the time saving it allows you. But now we never get to really HEAR you. Like what the world is going on in that crazy little head of yours stewing and itching to be typed all day? Or sometimes just firing up a blank post and typing with no direction at all? I have a Myspace place, I have a Facebook place, Yep Flickr got it covered, Hi5 been there too. I'm sure I'm missing a few social networking places I belong to. But my Blog will always be my baby. Yes, I'm in love with my blog. Not because it's great or anything like that, but because it is a secret extension of me. Bloggers know me on Facebook but Facebook friends don't know the blogger in me. Facebook is for IRLF people. Blogging is where my ass hangs over the side of the ship in full view. Does that make any sense? So in part, those of you have chosen Facebook over Blogger, I'm sad. It shouldn't even be allowed. RIP abandoned blogs. Rest in peace.

My roots are showing

A post or so ago, I mentioned I was ready to slit my wrists. I do hope most of you caught my sarcasm. My oldest Sister reads my blog and is sworn to secrecy on ALOT of my life, and she knew I wasn't really suicidal. Just dramatic. I even have my suburban handcuffs still on, you know the wrist draped with gold bracelets that my husband has given me. I would have had to take them off. Mom is outta the woods and not stir crazy yet. I have her car keys and car. No driving for 30 days after the surgery. She is staying alone at night a bit, I went home Sat for a date with my husband and I'm still at home. Monday I'll be headed back over there to do a few things and stay the night and she has Dr's appt Tuesday morning and I get to pick up Big Sis at the airport, she's come to help for three days. I'll be at home again and if everything stays good, I won't need to spend the night anymore. My husband and I will each make a trip a day to check on her and get her lists of things she wants and needs. She better watch it and be nice or I'll throw her ass in a nursing home...just kidding. I swear kidding. I couldn't do that to her.

Mother May I?

I have a mother, I have a husband.

I have a husband, I have a mother

My mother is sick, My husband is lonely.

My heart is torn, I can't be in two places at one time.

I love my home. I love my mother's home.

I love my pets, my pets love me. They are sad when the night case comes out ready to be filled for my next stint at Moms. Where I will sleep alone and wake every few hours to pop in on mom.

Mom went back into the hospital yesterday. Her pacemaker and her heart rate were beating and pumping very fast, her home nurse called the Dr, who said bring her to ER, we will be waiting for her. So there was that, no waiting in the ER. However her insurance policy with one company ended on 12/31 and the new one picked up on 1/01. But they took her back right away and shoved the clipboard at me. I figure that they will unravel all that by oh say August..

So my mini vacay staying at home with Honey will be cut short, seeing how we have jumped backed to square one. We were going to let her stay alone at night if all went well when middle sister was here. Middle sister is leaving tomorrow and depending on when they let Mom out of the hospital, I go back to mom's. Just in time for my bday. Good Times, Good Times.

Mom said she felt and still feels good. I asked the guy attending her in the ER from the Cardiac Unit, what would have happened if the home nurse hadn't noticed her heart rate being very elevated. More like what if home nursing care was over and mom had no symptoms. He said her heart would have gotten very very tired...

I did see our GP (mom, honey and I all go to the same guy) outside of my Mom's room, and it reminded me that I have to take care of me too. So I made the appointment that I have been meaning to make forever... Hopefully he can do something about the chronic pain. Until then he will probably give me pain pills, Isn't that going to be fun?

Party Animals

My middle sister and her husband arrived last night, which was good because I was getting ready to slash my wrists .Rememember Mom is the real TTQ. I've made it seem so cute, but it really isn't funny when it's for real. I expect and then accept while she demands.It's all fun and games till somebody gets hurt and I'm not laughing. So she's on duty with mom.
We went to dinner at Mom's where my BIL made a great dinner of fresh grouper. I had alligator at lunch with sis and husband out where airboats are launched. I got to sleep in my own bed last night and now I'm home again with Honey who is drawing me a nice bubble bath. Those are the only bubbles we will see tonight.
The fireworks have started and we are going through my meds to see what we can give to our doberman, he does not like fireworks. Xanax and Seroquel? Maybe an Ambien? Our beagle gets scripts for valium and predisone and that knocks him out. We just want him to sleep while I watch tv and Honey snores next to me. Yep Real Party animals.

Oh and Happy Freaking New Year.

Winter

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself