sometimes you lose it. seriously . lose it. Just when you think you are in control. who the hell do you think you are ...in control? Fuck no. I'm trying to keep up with my space face book twitter tweeter twatter Nancy Grace Bill OReilly. I can't even count my change. Cars crashed and totaled, new meds more dr's chipped nails (pets that burst open no shit for real and stitched back up) and an ever running nose from crying. THIS IS WHY I WAS NEVER GOING TO MARRY. I'm a freaking wreck, now I'm getting bids to remodel our house just the outside thank god. Oh and the lovely holidays don't get me started. A friend lamented with me today as we both were crying on the phone. I hate men and pets they hurt you and you hurt so bad you think that the world is over and the sun will never shine again.

Can I live in a room with a nice sunbeam and internet? Fuck my spare room with all it's pretty clothes, baubles and make-up. So So spoiled seriously. Whose husband lets them turn the MASTER SUITE into a a dressing room? If I lived in a room, I could travel when I wanted or sleep for days. I could come out when I wanted or stay in. I lived alone for 6 years, I don't want a whole townhouse or apt. I want a room with a view. I'm really no trouble, I could taxi or whatever I don't need the cars outside my house, I just crash shit anyway. People shouldn't call me, I really don't mind. How's about I call you? Maybe meet for coffee, but mostly I want my room just a room. a room with a nice sunbeam. On bad days I can close the blinds and huddle up as if I needed to stay warm from the cold from outside that I never walk upon.

welcome home I'm home I might call out to you if I hear you slow outside my room, my room with a nice sunbeam. Would you like to see my room, my room with a nice sunbeam, I ordered the nicest bed linens with new curtains to match. I even rearranged the art again. Come into my room, but don't make me come out. You're busy ..well that's okay too. Maybe some other day. your footsteps may slow or maybe you'll tap tap tap upon my door. Maybe it will be a good time for me and for you and I'll make you some cocoa and close the door behind you. And you will be in my nice little room with it's sunbeams dancing off all the crystals I hung. We may sip in silence or maybe laugh of my next desire, maybe you confide in me, for I don't come out much you see. The world is big and I am not though travel I think about alot, as long as I have my own little room just a dot on the globe, in a circle on our map then a box on the street where I am alot.

maybe I'll have my room soon, maybe just maybe even it's a room with a plastic slot to get into my own little room.

I like to sleep

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

Good dreams good dreams here to stay
Bad dreams bad dreams go away

And they all came out the same...

Oh don't be sad little man. heart hug heart hug heart hug...and on and on. TIGHT SCHEDULE!!!!! Gotta go little man! Bye Bear!

Your The Boss Applesauce

Edie Sedgwick - Warhol's Superstar
Uploaded by Materialiste. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Apparently I'm a girl version of Clark Griswald

So my lack of blogging is still slacking. I can't blame facebook, I just check in a couple of times a day. Basically I'm in a mental lull and shaking off the last hospital visit where I just about got my ass confined to a mental facility. Good job huh? Once the tox screen came out clean and a nice Dr came and talked to me, I was let out in a few hours. The only danger I had put myself in was a Christmas tree slide down and pin me on the floor. The more I tried to get out, the harder it made it to get out. Kinda funny in a way, cept for the ambulance but my leg was so banged up and mangeld I was sure it was broken. They gave me a private room with a 24 hour nurse to babysit me, Seriously. 8 hour shifts. Just hanging there watching, one had a PDA, I kinda wanted to bribe her.

So I'm on the down low if you know what I mean, keeping a low profile so my whole RL social circle is pretty much in the dark. Blogging friends, I know you won't blab it all over facebook.

For Myself

For My Mom

She says "Does it make you happy?" Yes, it does, Mom it does. She rides the little waves with me somehow holding my hand.

For My Ever Loving Husband

A rock for me to cling to


.

Hell On Wheels

Hell on Wheelchairs I mean. This is so not what I wanted for our annual cruise. What part of Resort Wear fit it. Still Thinking? Yeah me too, so I didn't bring the wheelchair shopping. So vain and so unhappy, despite the 10 lbs I dropped in two weeks. Not good. I suggested the wheelchair (yes, we own one) for Mom. She suggested it for me. Honey is soooo need of a vacation, and it being hurricane season, he's suggest Mom and I go alone. Two suites. Two people. He's worried about our house and our animals.Hence we may be a party for two, not three, *so sad*

As for my lack of blogging, I was in the hospital again 8 LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG days my gyno confirmed the hospital does have wi-fi! He's about two years older than me is totally about being connected. I had made it a mission to ask every doc,nurse, supervisor etc hence the gyno.

Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Dies in LA at 3:15pm Pacific Time.

Wonky Eyes, Mullets and Jersey Girls

Why do all the girls on NYC Prep have wonky eyes? Is it a tribute to Paris Hilton's lazy eye that resulted from a bad plastic surgery? My beagle has a wonky eye, it's great he can watch the door and your dinner plate at the exact same time even though one's left and the other is right. When photographed, I have shown up with a squinty right eye, like I'm raising one eyebrow and staring you down. In any case NYC Prep is no match for Gossip Girl . Having exhausted all my options on my DVR, I have to find something on TV. I have seen all the hot shows of last Fall. I let my netflix lapse when I switched bank accounts. Big Mistake.

Are mullets coming back? I was in the village and noticed a guy I had seen around had cut his hair. I was actually changing my perspective UNTIL his back was too me and his hair was pulled to one side and over his shoulder. Clearly because he was proud of his mullet he had adapted to show his off from the back and the front. Hannah Montana you are to blame, bringing daddy back in the spotlight. Even worse, girls with mullets. And does big hair count as a mullet on steroids? If so call me guilty.

With my big hair it could be assumed that I was a Jersey Girl too. My BF in High School was/is Jersey Girl (WORSE: We lived in the Boca Raton Area). Speaking of Jersey Girls..more addictive television.. The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Is Danielle really as naughty as they painted her? I love when Teresa flips the table and flips out screaming obscenities at Danielle...classic. Hair pulling bitches in heat. I can't wait to get my hands on "A Cop Without a Badge", the NY Post has pretty much covered everything, but I want to read the book myself. My take on the book without reading it... It was a planned stunt to promote the book which her ex-husband wrote, and he isn't paying her alimony (or her settlement) so she probably is not suing for slander, and instead goes straight to the neck and gets the royalties for the book and probably a nice chunk of change for the whole deal (book and TV show). Tonight is part 2 of finale, which means Honey and I can watch reruns that we haven't seen this summer.

P.S. To be fair I'm posting my Senior picture (big hair and wonky eye on display)....

I Had A Friend Or So I thought

I shall call this post "Pity Party"

All week I've been outta sorts. Starting on Monday with lunch with some other ladies. I got emotional and (cough) a friend who said "I'll drive over to your house and we can chat" Chatting consisted of her asking me if I thought about checking into the hospital. I said "I spend enough time there". She says "Not that Hospital, the Psych Hospital" now I feel like I've just peed myself and everybody can see it but only one person comes to your rescue. and that person loves to kick a person when they are down. I said I'm doing as well as can be expected. So all evening I'm breaking out in tears in my bubble bath instead of reading. She was also kind enough to say you look like hell, you do not look like your are doing well. Seriously. Are you fucking kidding me? Why would someone lay that on somebody who is apparently a little fragile. Or should I say touchy? I'm not very thick skinned but I like to think I am but really I'm not. I shouldn't have to be, I thought I knew who my friends are. But I was wrong.

My other friends and family don't do that. They offer comfort and good wishes and sit in hospital waiting rooms. The nexy day was going to be busy,I had an appointment to see a Neurologist in the morning and the Transplant Center had a MRI scheduled for 5:30. Which was a complete waste of time, they tried to scan me but apparently the implanted valve in my liver

was warping the pics. That's why you have to take all the metal out of your clothes or go in gown.

whatever..I dumped it, it's over. thought about then tried to block everything she said, and now I offer it up you guys as a Friday surprise

rootless Tree

TICK TOCK

People I Shouldn't Be Able to Play With

The other day I threatened to throw a handful of pennies into the ceiling fan that was on...She's a little more sedate though

sweet?

what are they going do, bring me a cake?

And today, i just don't give shit.

The best part was asking for the papers to release myself against medical advice. Only the the Dr's had released me already! The nurse had the clip board ready for my signature, 5 hours earlier. Fucker.

My original room was in a different ward that they had closed sometime while I was floating on morphine to a SHARED ROOM with 1 TV and a crack ho in the other bed. Thankfully Mom walked in and Honey followed five mins later. Mom was appalled, Honey was furious. The third iv infiltrated my right hand. I told them it was going blow....it looked like a latex glove filled air and then some. and i couldn't stop crying. So to prevent me from being a TTQ they kept me drugged, thank god I took my jewelry off and gave it to mom. I also was crying and said No DNR. I GIVE. I GIVE FUCKING UP.

xoxoxo
TTQ

Oh no he didn't

He increased the one of psych drugs that are suppose to help me NOT HAVING as many anxiety attacks. It did the exact opposite. Add that to high ammonia levels. Real freaking fun train as any train at Disney world.

Now I have been able to listen and type again YaY!

Now lets hope the new transplant medicine jive with the bucket of pills I take daily.

I would try to type and I couldn't finish a sentance or how to spell.... And that pissed me off, because I knew I could spell but weird words were popping out and onto the blog. So I gave it a rest on blogging.

It's the Little Things

Some how while I was in the bath or watching House, Honey slipped away and picked a handful of Gardenias. It smells wonderful in here, I thought maybe it was a Yankee Candle, I dropped and broke the glass last night. Just a pretty bowl of gardenias was sitting next to my monitor.

I've been nesting and really cleaned out our office, and bought new desks, lamps, art, curtains and bookcases. It was a project that I have been working on for a week or two.

Good news on the transplant list, I'm doing better now than I was last years evaluation. The bad part is where the body tries to compensate for the failing organ. For which the gave me a script, I dropped it off at CVS. A few hours later, the pharmacy called the new script was going to be over $1,000 per month, or use my insurance and pay $500. Nothing could be done over the weekend, so today I spent the time on the phone with with CVS , they have the drugs and under my insurance I pay $50 for name brand, or $8.00 by using the mail order and a 90 day supply. Hook me up baby $1000 to $50.00

Pop! Just like a bottle of Champange!

Which one of these girls is me?