Holy Batshit!

I could never be Mary Poppins, I have a purse bigger than her valise but she manages to pull all sorts of shit out of her bag. I am going to have to retire the new purse early. My mom can't even hold my purse let alone carry it, so clearly mine is not magical.

On a side note: My Uncle was in town as he is every Febuary and treated us to wonderful 8 course meals, of course I ate things I shouldn't have. It wasn't my weight that I was watching out for, I ate too much meat and my liver produces poison that the blood can't cleanse on its own. I have medicine for it, I try to take it all the time but it makes me sick to my stomach making it hard to eat anything. So we had a brief little jaunt to the ER when it became clear that I was having another fit of encephalopathy (and the hospital was full, so they held me in an ER room for 12 hours). And that shit makes you crazy when it hits the brain. It's kinda like tripping I suppose. I couldn't speak anything but gibberish which is frustrating to me and to whom I speak with. Ugh. Then I thought I could write notes, but it took forever and when I was done it was gibberish too.

Apparently I also tried to walk out of the Hospital as well. Usually they hold me 3 or 4 days and/or my blood is clean again. Mom said Honey should have taken me earlier but he wasn't sure because I was sleeping. But when he kept waking me up again (allegedly) I was muttering nonsense and he's just looking at me like my hair was on fire. My GP took me the next day in his office. His smug ass plops down and says so you were a little fuzzy the other night. Actually Dr. SmugAss, I was off MY Fucking Rocker. And I really don't like being outta my freaking gourd and making a scene.



And the story gets better, Honey spent the day running out for more medicine, my Tropical Smoothie, the grocery and starts dinner in a crock pot. So Monday was good he even watched House with me in the bedroom! He always goes to bed with FOX news or Nancy Grace on bedroom TV. We go to sleep, he gets up goes to work and I get a phone call at 8:30 am..NOBODY calls the house before 12 unless its prearranged. It's the Office Manager from his office. Honey has been taken to the ER with chest pains. So now I'm up and I can't drive myself anywhere, so I call Mom. She was coming over anyway to take me to the Dr., so now she's coming early and I have to walk into the same ER I was freaking crazy in the day before. I sucked it up and kept my eyes looking any where a nurse wasn't. So now Honey's in the hospital with a kidney function problem, once they fix that they are going to do a Heart Cath. Hopefully he'll get out tomorrow or Friday, The heart Dr told me thats about right.

So for the first time in almost 5 years that I've spent the night alone unattended.
Is it wrong to want to go back to Mom's? I would but the pets "kids" are here.

Just a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down....

Only in my life, only in my life. But for now I'm just a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Mom's Are Hysterical

Mom had a minor outpatient procedure on her pace maker today. I spent the night with her because we were getting up before 7am. Ugh. I dropped her off and went back to my house to maybe catch my husband before he left for work. I went back to get her after catching a few more zzzzzzz's, she had me searching all over the hospital for her, she gave me the wrong info. I finally find her and she pops right up! I'm ready to go home! BUT, they won't let her go until her heart rate was over 90. We gave her clothes in anticipation of her blood pressure rising above 90. 101! Yay, she can go now!

I left her in the car while I went into the post office for her, she didn't go anywhere. We get to her house and she gets to the door, "My book!" ok I'll get it from my purse. "My Clothes!" Mom you are wearing your clothes! "Oh yeah !" and starts giggling. We get her inside and she starts off down the hallway and ping pongs off every wall. That's when I took her keys. Her brother is flying in today and Mom wanted to pick him up by herself. She's going to be sitting shotgun today.

Hmm.

There has been a whole lot of cleaning going on here, I'm not talking about just straightening up. I mean get the cobwebs out of corners that nobody sees just because the ones you can see got cleaned.

I'm thinking of investing money in a case of canned air. Blasting baseboards, cleaning underneath some tables, and basically using it like a colt 45 on dust and webs. I have a feeling that at the rate of speed I seem to be going, the starting point will be dusty again. I haven't touched a thing in our study yet, but I'm staring at a mighty dirty window sill. Honey's idea of cleaning his desk is to put everything on my chair or on my desk. He likes when I declutter his for him. Right now I can't even see mine and what I do see is alot of dust which brings me back to canned air theory. It seems like it should work and if not it's always fun to turn it upside down and freeze an unsuspecting person. If you have never done it, I suggest you go raid your office supply cabinet at work for air and walk past someone and blast them on the arm. Never on the face, that would just be dangerous.

I'm My Own Best Valentine!

Last night after discovering that I was missing a diamond earring, probably while shopping where I changed clothes. I set upon a mission to get bigger (but not too big) diamond studs. While I was just looking, why not check out the suburban handcuffs that my husband so loves to buy, and which I discovered I only had three when there should have been four on my arm (yep lost one of those too)? Hopefully I can accomplish this mission by finding something in a store instead of on-line for jewelry since Honey likes to go into the store shell out the cash after I gush about how much I like something. Of course I've already been to every jewelry store in the weeks leading up to Valentines Day. This way he doesn't get ripped off and he loves to buy me stuff when I am trying it on. "You like it?" yes! "Great let's get it right now!" And presto! We are done in 10 painless minutes and off to enjoy the rest of the evening.

P.S. Getting the little blue box from Tiffany's was actually a let down, it just wasn't the same as actually going into a Tiffany's. I could have ordered it from freaking Wal-mart and had them gift wrap it. Well maybe they don't gift wrap but I don't care to find out, it'd probably be camouflage.

Oh and if you want to send me Valentines just send it to:

Mrs. Temper Tantrum Queen

112233 Boogie Boogie Ave.

The Great Sun-Shiny State 32922

Short and Sweet Unlike the Academy Awards

Courteny Love ready to hit the Red Carpet...

I once had a guy ask me out on the premise of the fact he thought it was cool that I had done nothing over vacation but watch movie after movie. Yeah that really made me want to make my teenaged loins ache for him. Movies are best watched ALONE. Sex too but not all the time, but that's another day's subject.

Award Shows suck. zzzzzzzz

Dark,twisted and sacrcastic troubled people turn me on. TV shows, books and movies...music. Everything. Thank God I married Honey in a fit on sensibility he was the opposite of every bad boy (okay well older men that tend to brood) asshole. Why would I want to see people glide onstage and grasp some phallic like object coated in some semi-precious metal? I mean really if they tripped and fell, that would make me watch. Yeah so I like some of the movies, some I couldn't be bothered with and lastly I'm more of an indie girl, but that doesn't make the Sundance Award Show any better.